Here is the 5E MONSTER MANUAL:
Aarakocra = they dwell in the Elemental plane of Air and are part of the Wind Dukes Aaqa where they fight a never ending battle to stop the appearances of temples of Elemental Evil while searching for the Rod of Seven Parts. And they lost their parrot aspects.
Aboleths = Originally more ancient than man they are now more ancient than gods. SHUDDER.
Angels = Devas, planetars and solars. All deva variance has been drossed away for a generic line saying they will appear different in the Plane of Shadow that they're calling "Shadowfell" <<CRINGE>>. the "Material Plane" which is the Prime Material Plane (another dross effect) and Feywild which is the drossing of the land of Faerie. Compare actual D&D's "version" for Movanic (7+HD)- Material Planes (Negative, Positive and Prime), Monadic (8+HD)= ethereal and inner, Astral (9+HD) = astral or lower outer planes.
Animate Objects = Animated armor, flying sword and rug of smothering. 2 pages of blather for 3 traps/tricks. Ex: (big font for header):
Ankheg = art depicts baroque head with little points all over much like a crustacean. Get the butter!
Azer = Describes the realm of the Azer in a mountain range that separates the Elemental Plane of Fire from the Elemental Plane of Earth. Big stats/small fantasy.
Banshees = Are elves who failed to bring joy to the world.
Basilisk = rubberized to not work on Astral or Ethereal or even see. Its D&D JUNIORtm!!!
Behir = They're dragon hunters created by storm giants. Huh?
Beholder = 5 pages to tell you it fires eye ray functions at random regardless of intelligence
Blights = miniature treants with a backstory of being made from the cursed stake that killed a vampire
Bugbear = looks like Bert from Sesame Street
Bullette = Pooper scooper
Bullywug = overweight Kermie
Cambion = Sired by a demon and a human however it mentions Spawn of Graz'zt having a standardized unearthly beauty. Huh? The image depicts an effeminate man or masculine woman with tribal tattoos and dark lipstick.
Carrion Crawler = looks like the D&D carrion crawler mated with a cockroach.
Centaur = Has an emo feel to the whole thing. Head with shock of hair across face. Some spiel about not fitting in with the tribe and becoming a loner. No more oaken morning star clubs. It says they use pikes. FAIL.
Chuul = maybe it
is because I just read centaur but I'm getting a MY LITTLE PONY vibe from this image. I just looked up 3E where this thing first appeared and MY LITTLE PONY and this thing
now has a fucking MY LITTLE PONY shape.
Cloaker = they mated the Predator, a whale and maybe a D&D cloaker to get this thing. It describes the disguising as a cloak but I never heard of large, thickened, rubbery and protrusive cloak as being the fashion of anything.
Cockatrice = Looks like a zombie chicken. Bite turns to stone or save but no planar action like basilisk.
Couatl = instead of being genius intelligence they now can't lie as a feature.
Crawling Claw = they have an entire page on this incidental and forgettable Ed (no ideas) Greenwood monster from a Dragon article that no one ever used that I know.
Cyclops = They have reasonable intelligence understand giant but can only mutter in grunts and groans. They keep their domesticated animals in their lair which is used as a barn. So this is Polyphemus? I think somebody learned about THE ODYSSEY from CARMEN SAN DIEGO'S GREEK MYTH ADVENTURE.
Darkmantle = This first appeared in 3E. They should have just called it greater piercer for a better reference. Otherwise it isn't bad except the references to the Shadowfell where they sometimes are kept as companions which reads weird. Maybe its the phallic protuberance on the head?
Death Knight = features image and spiel about Lord Soth and the monster is cringingly bent to fit the Dragonlance saga "immortal until redeemed".
Demi-lich = Acererak is mentioned as having lich follwers who follow the demi-lich's style so they have standardized TOMB OF HORRORS traits for their lairs. Except this time around Acererak is a lesser demi-lich with a bit of rubberization going on (i.e. victim's body reforms with everything if gem crushed. Oh but it does have a 24 hour wait period to put some pressure on)
Demons = The goristro looks like a buffalo headed guy who hangs out at the local tattoo parlor. The Yochlol looks like Lumiere from the Disney cartoon BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (1991). The "balor" (READ: type VI demon) looks okay but the rest are shit. The "marilith" (READ: type V) looks like she's getting her groove on after tooting a line of coke off her sword. There is text mentioning The Abyss makes demons as part of itself. I don't know but overall FAIL.
Devils = they have a list (no stats) of updated hell rulers cutting loose Geryon, Tiamat and Moloch. They all look terrible but the saddest is the "tentacles for a beard" bearded devil. The pit fiend is Jackson balrog-ified enough as to be unrecognizable. The bone devil as a queen alien with a skull face is a fucking blah tattoo but I don't know about a monster that I would want to describe.
Dinosaurs = herbivores will attack to protect their young, or if startled or harassed. Come on. The original MM worded behavior lightly but not that light.
Displacer Beast = same stuff that was on the website about seelie courts and being trained to hate blink dogs, etc.
Doppleganger = some LARP sounding nonsense about not raising
kids sets the tone that this isn't exactly the heinous D&D monster it once was. The image looks like someone was hired to draw Doctor Manhattan from the Watchmen comic (1986-1987)/movie(2009) and failed when trying to figure out basic human anatomy.
Draco-lich = the image is dreadful of a skeletal blue dragon but not in a cool way its just dreadful. Looks like a kid made a pile of mashed potatoes and gravy up unto a point on a dinosaur's head in museum.
Dragons, Shadow = its now a template for any dragon. LAME!
Dragons = Same old 3E shitty "rad" looks. Now they have regional and lair magical effects if a dragon resides in a place. Like the red dragon has lava, earthquakes and gas come out of the floor. And the region makes the same with a portal to the elemental plane of fire.
Dragon Turtle = can go into the elemental plane of water.
Drider = Failed Lolth tested drows driven by madness go into the "Underdark" come back as these. Huh?
Dryad = now a punishment for treeless fairies.
Duergar = Text is like Under
common....Illithid... Underdark... SNORRRE. Image looks like Santa Claus. Prediction: Future editions - North Pole toymakers turned bad.
Elementals = bodiless life force on the elemental planes. That sounds off. A retcon to misunderstand the various sizes rule? One size fits all here though. Go figure.
Elves, Drow = live in the "Underdark" so I don't get that drider reference above. The secondary sex characteristics are downplayed in favor of it leaning towards cultural.
Empyreans = some kind of half-titan
Ettercap = Looks like a man-flea.
Ettin = has an origin saying orcs remade in the form of Demogorgon. Buh...whuh?
Faerie Dragon = no effect on AC. LAME!
Flameskull = A flaming skull that casts spells? Wait! Something that isn't lame? Too good to be true at this rate. There has to be a wonk in the playtest!
Flumph = on an entire page.
Fomorian = elves remember when the fomorians were handsome... uh..
Fungus = Shrieker, gas spore and violet fungus. The VF gets marginalized with some slight damage. GS high CON gets longer survival. Shrieker can possibly scream longer and all the dynamics are shuffled around for no fucking reason moving and light in 30 feet instead of 30' light and 10' movement.
Galeb Duhr = has arms. more elemental.
Gargoyles = elemental earth creature against the aarakocra and the wind dukes of Aaqa. Pic looks like PREDATOR (1987).
Genies = Alright Robin Williams is looking more authentic than this crap. The marid has a fish head.
Ghost = complete misunderstanding of what a D&D ghost is. BIG FAIL. Saying it is the common idea of a ghost i.e. haunts a location and needs to rest, etc.
Ghouls = the origin is so cringy I don't know even know if I could repeat... I'll try. Yeenoghu and Orcus curse an elven worshipper to be a ghoul as a gift and the elf in turn begged the elf gods to forgive him and made elves immune to ghouls. Lalalala
Giants = Each giants were given their element by "the ordning" as they call it. So that mean they can't throw anything but themed boulders. The Storm Giant boulder has florets of sea coral.
Gibbering Mouther = is now composed of its victims' eyes and mouths.
Gith = Githyanki and githzerai are not really different. The GYs are more fleshy and have beards and the GZs are less fleshy and have matching beards.
Gnoll = they're not evening trying to make them look humanoid anymore. Its a hyena propped up with taxidermy.
Gnome, svirfneblin = ears so big
that it looks indistinguishable from a goblin.
Goblin = of course it looks like a savage 3rd edition gnome now.
Golem = they just look shitty. The clay golem looks like an elemental. And of course, they're now elemental based! Whah? Buh-huh?
Gorgon = severely weakened petrification effect that has numerous second chances. They also cannot see/affect in the astral or ethereal.
Grell = lots of get out of jail free cards going on here
for the paralysis.
Grick = 3E monster. seems the same.
Griffon = how can you fuck up a griffon? Seriously? That drawing needs verve.
Grimlocks = now look like humorous hag men.
Hag = Of the land of Feywild (how fucking hard is it to say Fairie? Really?) they make sororities (bad wordage) and get power up by the numbers. They also have land altering properties by vicinity but it seems its cosmetic only.
Half-Dragon = they seem to be trying to "butch up" this monster by giving him a red dragon
head with a "YEAH!" expression and it just is coming across as a furry to me.
Harpy = so badly done the image. I don't want to comment too lightly to appear sexist but it resembles a pitiful woman who is weary, damp and perhaps wounded. Nothing mentioned about sirens and plenty of "Roger E. Moorian" elven god dribble and they've successfully managed to make a new annoying elven god name in tribute to that great shitsmith of fantasy: "Fenmarel Mestarine" <<SHUDDER>>>
Hell Hound = Looks like a great fanged dog with the features a bunny rabbit. WHACKED.
Helmed Horror = All they would have to do is draw the death dealer and somehow they failed beyond all reason. This illustration is freaking lame. Its just a suit of armor. GIANT MEGA-FAIL.
Hippogriff = full page. waste of space
for nothing to be said.
Hobgoblin = Image isn't that bad. They really got the oriental thing without going too far.
Homonculous = Ultra-cringe image its literally Stitch from LILO AND STITCH (2002).
Hydra = "At the dawn of time, Tiamat, the Queen of Evil Dragons, slew a rival dragon god named Lernaea and cast her blood across the multiverse." The monster has been cheesified into Lernaen hydras are just hydras and a fire attack is the expected railroad attack to fight these. DUH! DOUCHER! GET WITH THE CORP. MERCH. PROGRAM! I just don't get what the hell they're doing here at all.
Intellect Devourer = Just attacks anyone
(READ: non-psionics) at this point. Also was created by illithids and knows deep speech.
Invisible Stalker = now visible and not looking too cool.
Jackalweres = Graz'zt's faithful servants... whuh?
Kenku = this thing definitely seems like some kind of lesser kenku
than the originalKobold = Kurtulmak was now Tiamat's vassal and some kobold are mini-dragon men. Huh?
Kraken = is being morphed into an attempt at fusing the CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981/2010) kraken with the D&D/traditional/A. Merrit kraken but its coming across like baby Gamera from GAMERA THE BRAVE (2006) or some kind of POKEMON creature.
Kuo-Toa = Blibdoolpoolp is fake. It was created by the Kuo-toa out of a human god's statue. FAIL.
Lamia = their touch only lasts an hour... I'll let your politically incorrect imaginations answer that!
(NOTE: no permanent loss of WIS just a drunk effect.)
Lich = they need to feed the phylactery souls like a vampire. They also have a lair effect that is powered by their presence. What the hell game is this?
Lizardfolk = still scaly ewoks like 3E. They have trog fins too.
Lycanthropes = the images aren't bad but the tiger should have been more menacing. There is a note saying demi-humans can be lycanthropes but as a variant. Variant means YES!!!
(Note lycanthropy is treated as an upgrade if not too much of an alignment change or optionally not allowed. READ: its a character upgrade)
Magmin = I guess this the magman of the
MMII and its been politically augmented
to have "man" removed.
Manticore = the image is okay but the porcupine spike in the hair look like they'll interfere with the wings.
Medusa = Has a half-circle headdress. As they say "the price we pay for fashion" is pretty painful here. FAMILY FEUD: THINGS MEDUSA WOULD NOT WHERE... shes says "half-circle headdress" NUMBER ONE ANSWER! I don't know, something as simply D&D as the medusa having to make a custom Constitution save against is just unflavored.
Mephits = mentions "Elementsl Planes and in the Elemental Chaos" as where they're from. The noses on these things are bigger than their bodies it seems.
Merfolk = the pic is so bad. Its obvious that its underwater a sunken ship in the distance. The strapped on belt items are dangling with gravity pulled tight. Th fin head and mega ears are the real killer but I think its the "so what?" feel that makes this the worst "mermaid" that you could imagine.
Merrow = Demogorgon transformed merfolk
into these no mention of ogres. Looks like a rancor.
Mimic = All mimics are killer mimics in this.
So there is no puzzling mimics or helping mimics. jUst stab and let's get stupid. ON TO THE NEXT ROOM!Mind Flayer = Makes intellect devourers out of brains it doesn't want to eat. Huh? Qualith is the braille of the illithids. Its apparently made of quaaludes... "In the beginning the illithids were better compos-...ZZZZZZZ"
Minotaur = There is an illustration of a completely different minotaur
next to main illustration. Do not see a surprise bonus but I'm not sure if this system has surprise.
Modrons = Diterlizzi style crossed with some kind of 1960's weirdness makes this a big pill to swallow.
Mummy = No charisma damage
Myconids = Sadly the myconids are one of those classic things that probably could have been dropped the minute the pen hit the paper instead of being reiterated for every monster collection infinitely and it shows here. They seem to be kept together whole cloth.
These also go on for 3 pages of filler.Nightmare = made from tortured pegasi
Nothic = its Mike Wazowski as a Vecna cursed "wizard".
Ogre = This thing looks a lot better than the 3E ogre
Half-Ogre = also the illustration for "middle aged men".
Oni = I guess this is the ogre mage. The Jap ogre is subsumed into ogre mage and it should be a broad category but look who I'm asking (cr: D&D Lead Designers: Mike Mearls and Jeremy Crawford
Monster Manual Lead: Christopher Perkins)
Ooze: Gel. Cube, Och. Jelly, Gray Ooze, Black Pudding. Weapon damage intact. Flesh damage rubberized.
(Hallmark of the cheapo unplayable campaigns)Orcs: At least, it isn't pig-headed OSR refuse!
Seriously, the humanoid face still doesn't have much of a snout and orcs were never bulky as a default.
Otyugh: Another but in this case literal pooper scooper face. Saves instead of 90% chance. It has telepathy so there is no "otyugh otyugh" and this is a neo-otyugh.
Owlbear = Go hugless. Fah! Elves say they always existed in the Feywild...
Pegasi = "Pegasi trace their origins to the Olympian Glades of Arborea, where they soar through the skies of that plane and serve as faithful mounts to the Seldarine, the pantheon of elven gods." Ah, but what do they do in the Pokemon universe?
Peryton = it doesn't speak but knows common and elvish in contrast to speaking their own language originally. Its like even little tidbits are "D&D divorced".
Pixie = Little girl reposed while twirling hair. <<SHUDDER>> What fucked up adventure is
this from?
Pseudodragon = Has a Stan Laurel chin.
Purple Worm = Rubberized "safe for kids" purple worm.
Quaggoth = looks like a yeti with bat-like features. Not very reminiscent of the original bear-like man from FIEND FOLIO.
Rakshasa = The whole feel of the legend is completely deboned.
(READ: no more cleric arrow schtick. They are tigers by default.)Remorhaz = The many remorhaz, no wait, the many "remorhazes". What? Its air tight rubberized for babies getting swallowed.
(READ: no more instant death. And you can come out of a swallow which seems to be 5E standardization. The way I just worded that sounds soooo wrong! ))
Revenant = They call the revenant's paralyzation effect "vengeful glare" but I would call their version "cutie-pie winky dink".
Roc = this roc pic is colored like a bomb pop. Its the American Institution that's clawing up the world , man.
Roper = No poison for weakness. It might as be ropeless because its hopeless!
Rust Monster = magic weapons no chance.
Sahuagin = these don't look at as bad as they snowballed into but it still doesn't look anything like the description.
Salamander = You can break out of the tail coil.
Satyr = the politically correct satyr is still erotic but now he just seems bisexual and they're giving him this weird, bondage ready, red leather, and black strapped vest.
Scarecrow = from the FIEND FOLIO his charm worked like a hold person but here its limited to its next turn.
(READ: another across the board standardization for crybabies.)Shadow = the STR returns after a short or long rest of no determined time. The casual DM!
Shambling Mound = Hey, I didn't know these mounds had backdoors! This way! (Note: no slime to drown in either. This is NEW Mound Dry from Hasbro)
Shield guardian = this seems like it was made by somebody playing a magic-user for way too long.
Skeleton = has "armor scraps" standardized.
(READ: Non-wariance. Non-fighter corpses off limits? No chance for earning nice armor at early levels?)Slaadi = its weird. They have a life cycle as if they're not some kind of demon and the complex red slaad attack has been simplified to just be an alien chestburster.
Specter = same old crap from 2E where its some lingering spirit instead of being Nazgul-like
Sphinx = Gyno and andro they both have that resident area effects. They both now look like plain lions with wings.
Sprite = Detect good or evil? NO!!! The have new "heart sight" to detect the emotional state of any being.
Stirge = Just detach and walk away!
Succubus/Incubus = Just sleep it off!
The image says "magic hookers for the fantasy themed bachelor(ette) party".Tarrasque = no sword of sharpness bite. Can swallow whole but you can be vomited back up like everything else in 5E.
Thri-kreen = weak paralysis can escape every round.
Treant = no variance one size fits all.
Troglodyte = No STR loss and easily saved miss a turn poison that you become immune to for an hour.
Trolls = attacking severed limb variant.
Umber hulk = gaze is one round. LAME!!!
Unicorn = two pages long and its two pages more than anyone needed. The legendary action "shimmering shield" is probably the best and by "best" I mean worst. The best is if the unicorn dies the regional effects end immediately now thats cool!
Vampire = no level drain. Its just hit points after a grapple.
Water Weird = "Hey! Theres a door in the back of this water pool!"
Wight = no level drain just hp.
Will O' Wisp = How can you mess this up?
Wraith = no energy drain
Wyvern = no death sting here move along
Xorn = is there no surprise?
(NOTE: There is a reasonable surprise factor in 5E but it relies on WIS vs DEX and planned ambush)Yeti = Its got horns. Gaze has a backdoor.
Yuan-Ti = given poison in their bite
that it doesn't have in its original incarnation but it just does extra dmg.
Yugoloth = same old 2E planescape garbage
The back
of the MONSTER MANUAL book has normal, giant and almost normal animals in tight paragraphs with little art. which was refreshing. Then humans with various samples. And they have regular people with a few hp which was a major problem with 3E.
Overall this was enlightening to see how far off these "designers" have fallen but in a way its kind of depressing that they can't get their act together on this.